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“I told you I’m fine.”

“I told you I’m fine,” when he had fainted 15 hours before. “I told you I’m fine,” after he tells me his head feels like it’s between a vice. “I told you I’m fine,” after he’s had diarrhea for three weeks and just told me so this morning. “I told you I’m fine,” after throwing up all day Sunday. “I told you I’m fine,” after he steps down off the scale showing he’s lost roughly 10 pounds. “I told you I’m fine,” after he tells me he can only eat and drink a little at a time. “I told you I’m fine,” after he called me from school saying he only made it up two flights of stairs and had to take the elevator the last two, because he felt so weak. “I told you I’m fine,” after he sat in my room and told me that every little sound was magnified and he he just wanted to lay in his bed where it is quiet. “I told you I’m fine,” when he looks into my eyes and he is clearly not.

Son, you are not fine. You will not leave our side. You will see a doctor. I will make sure you get better. These symptoms do not mean that you are fine. To appease me does not make you fine. The only fine thing will be when you smile and tell me how great you feel. For real. That is when you will be fine.

In the meantime I will keep at it. Keep caring about you. Keep watch over you. Keep trying to figure out how to make you fine and heathy. I will never give up. I am your Mother. The only time I am happy is when you are truly ‘fine’.

I love you. ❌⭕️❌⭕️

Someone Like You

Oh it’s so true, as I sit here listening to this song… Life is bittersweet. No regrets I say. Life is spectacular & I am thankful. I have loved & lost… Lost a lot… Lived more than most… Loved more than most… I never forget & love my life as a whole each & every day. I love to the extreme & feel loss just as hard. It’s life right? Well, it’s my life & I plan on keep living it to the fullest with my love, woo hoo’s, many hugs, peace & forgetful nights. I want every second to have meaning. I want everyone to feel love & admiration. As I have always said… Life on the edge, don’t fall off.   🙂

I heard that your settled down.
That you found a girl and your married now.
I heard that your dreams came true.
Guess she gave you things I didn’t give to you.
Old friend why are you so shy?
It ain’t like you to hold back or hide from the light.
I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited.
But I couldn’t stay away I couldn’t fight it.
I’d hoped you’d see my face,
And that you’d be reminded that for me it isn’t over.
Nevermind I’ll find someone like you.
I wish nothing but the best for you too.
Don’t forget me I beg
I remember you said:-
“Sometimes it lasts in love,
but sometimes it hurts instead”
Sometimes it lasts in love,
but sometimes it hurts instead yeah.
You’d know how the time flies.
Only yesterday was the time of our lives.
We were born and raised in a summery haze.
Bound by the surprise of our glory days.
I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
But I couldn’t stay away I couldn’t fight it.
I’d hoped you’d see my face & that you’d be reminded
That for me it isn’t over yet.
Nevermind I’ll find someone like you.
I wish nothing but the best for you too.
Don’t forget me I beg
I remember you said:-
“Sometimes it lasts in love,
but sometimes it hurts instead”
Nothing compares
no worries or cares.
Regret’s and mistakes they’re memories made.
Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?
Nevermind I’ll find someone like you.
I wish nothing but the best for you too.
Don’t forget me I beg,
I remembered you said:-
“Sometimes it lasts in love,
but sometimes it hurts instead”
Nevermind I’ll find someone like you.
I wish nothing but the best for you too.
Don’t forget me I beg,
I remembered you said:-
“Sometimes it lasts in love,
but sometimes it hurts instead”
Sometimes it lasts in love,
but sometimes it hurts instead.
~Adele
Xo

WordPress A Post A Day/Week #16 ~ Do you believe everything happens for a reason? Why or why not?

Do you believe everything happens for a reason? Why or why not?

I absolutely do!  What more is there to say.  Shit happens… it happens for a reason.  Life your life to the fullest. Live it happy… learn from the crap… take many roads… enjoy what is thrown at you… life is just a ton of lessons to be learned… learn something!  🙂

xo

WordPress Post a Day/Week #7 ~ What do you want to be remembered for?

What do you want to be remembered for?

I always say that when I die I want to be cremated and have everybody partake in smoking me out of a big hookah pipe!  I know that sounds weird and funny, but I want there to be a big party and I want to stay with everyone forever. I want to be remembered as a person that was there for everyone in my life.  I wanted to be remembered with a smile.  I want to be remembered as part of your life and someone who will be missed, but missed with a full heart, not sadness.  I also want people to think of me and do as I did… enjoy life, have parties all the time, see the people you love, make a point to do what you want in your life and not let it pass by, hug EVERYONE every day, even strangers, love your life.  Remember what I did and do it!  🙂

xo

WordPress Post A Day/Week #2 ~ Best Accomplishment of 2010

Best Accomplishment of 2010?

I would have to say walking the Susan G. Komen 3-Day For The Cure on October 1 – 3, 2010 in San Francisco.  I raised $2,312.  Our team… We’re Bringing Boobies Back, raised a total of $10,730.67.  There was 4 of us that made up our team.

My friend, Diane, whom I have known since childhood, posted on Facebook one day that she would be doing the walk.  I sent her a message asking what it was exactly and if I could join in.  Of course she said yes.  From that moment on I researched the event, bought merchandise from the 3-day website, raised money furiously, held fundraisers, walked at the gym to prepare myself and then all of a sudden it was time.

I was really nervous and didn’t know what to expect.  The first 3 miles was exciting.  Took lots of pictures… posted updates to FB… then my phone died.  It was a long day.  When we finished I was exhausted to say the least. When we got back to camp, yes camp, we had to find our luggage, get a tent to set up and set off to find our spot.  All of this after walking 20 miles.  To say the least. we were all exhausted.  Me, emotional!  Boy was I!  I learned why small children have melt-downs.  I was there 100%.  Each day got harder and harder for me.  I cried each day when I hit about the 15 mile mark.  I also cried when I saw signs, or friends and families of others that were out there rooting us all on.  They were amazing to be there, so I cried.

Needless to say, I DID IT!  I am proud.  I think back and I really don’t think that people realize what a feat it was.  Especially walking in San Francisco.  It was hard walking, really hard and emotional.  I had the injuries to how hard it was when I finished.  I am not going to complain though.  The person that helped me though the most was my Husband.  He was amazing, encouraging and I thank him wholeheartedly for all of his kind words and notes.  🙂

xo