Tag Archive | Parenting

“I told you I’m fine.”

“I told you I’m fine,” when he had fainted 15 hours before. “I told you I’m fine,” after he tells me his head feels like it’s between a vice. “I told you I’m fine,” after he’s had diarrhea for three weeks and just told me so this morning. “I told you I’m fine,” after throwing up all day Sunday. “I told you I’m fine,” after he steps down off the scale showing he’s lost roughly 10 pounds. “I told you I’m fine,” after he tells me he can only eat and drink a little at a time. “I told you I’m fine,” after he called me from school saying he only made it up two flights of stairs and had to take the elevator the last two, because he felt so weak. “I told you I’m fine,” after he sat in my room and told me that every little sound was magnified and he he just wanted to lay in his bed where it is quiet. “I told you I’m fine,” when he looks into my eyes and he is clearly not.

Son, you are not fine. You will not leave our side. You will see a doctor. I will make sure you get better. These symptoms do not mean that you are fine. To appease me does not make you fine. The only fine thing will be when you smile and tell me how great you feel. For real. That is when you will be fine.

In the meantime I will keep at it. Keep caring about you. Keep watch over you. Keep trying to figure out how to make you fine and heathy. I will never give up. I am your Mother. The only time I am happy is when you are truly ‘fine’.

I love you. ❌⭕️❌⭕️

3 Weeks Today I Left My First Born at College.

It’s been 3 weeks today! Oh man, I’m dying! Hahaha!! Laugh if you will, laugh at me, go ahead. I don’t care. I’m laughing at myself a little bit too. I can’t help it though. I miss him!

I was walking upstairs last night and glanced down the hall to his room. I shouted, “Where’s Alex?!” From the office I hear, “what?” from my husband. I started to laugh and said, “I’m just kidding, but I was hoping that he was just in his room taking a nap.” Oh man did I.

On the other hand, I know he is exactly where he needs to be. He is working hard, starting to feel the stress of his classes, making friends, found the grocery store, took a friend out to sushi, learning the bus system, attended his first football game (that got delayed, then canceled and rescheduled for the next day) and sat in the sweltering metal stands, joined his first club, feels bored from time-to-time and so much more. Yes, he is exactly where he needs to be. I just keep telling myself that.

Each day I expect to see him come downstairs to take his shower. Come into the kitchen with his wet hair and a smile on his face, hug me and tell me good morning. Ask me how I am. Fill up his bowl with Cheerios and warm them up in the oven. Filling the kitchen with scents of oats. Watch him tiptoe to the kitchen table to eat and read his fan fiction sites. I miss those morning. I miss it all.

It’s so odd to be so torn as a parent. Knowing you are doing the right thing and feeling sad in your heart all at once. Remembering that you are doing the right thing, but feeling the sadness of the persons absence. Especially for a person like me that doesn’t usually feel separation anxiety. Ever. I guess there is a first for everything.

Over this past weekend, a long 3-day weekend, he didn’t want to come home. We were on a FaceTime call and I mentioned him coming home. I could tell he didn’t want to say that he didn’t want to by the look on his face. Also, that he didn’t want to hurt my feelings. He is so sweet that way. I let it go and said we could chat about it again another time and to just think about it, knowing that I knew didn’t want to come home yet.  I talked myself though it in my head… ‘Okay, he is happy, having fun, him not wanting not come home is a good thing. Right? Right! Keep remembering that, Kathleen.’ That went on for a long time. Over several days. Hahaha!! Yes, several days.

Guess what I am doing tomorrow? Going to see him!! Damn straight! When we spoke last night I told him that I was coming for a visit. That I missed him and that I couldn’t stand it any more! Hahaha!! He looked happy. (He also told me that his friend Zoei was dying to meet me. That’s pretty cool!) When I told him I was bringing my camping pad to sleep on his dorm floor, he kind of snickered and didn’t now what to say or how to react. Hahaha!! I left it in his court to come up with one. Told him that I would call him today. What he doesn’t know is that I have already looked at AirBNB for places to stay in town. Hahaha!! I just want to see if he can come up with a plan, because he knows that I WILL sleep on his floor. If you know me, you know I am super good at flying by at the seat of my pants, but always have some type of plans in my head just in case.

I must say, with the sadness of missing my Son, the proud and happy feelings of him happy supersedes the sadness by far.  🙂




This really stuck with me today. It can’t express how I feel any better.  It also reminds me of what I need to do in my life. What I think about constantly, but don’t follow through with. That I need to just speak and not walk on eggshells. That I need to do more for myself and what makes me feel good.  

I want to thank, Rachael, a friend on Facebook. One of the very few friends that I have on Facebook, that I have never actually met in person. I adore your drive for life. For peace. For health. For education.  ♥


WordPress A Post A Day/Week #38 ~ What’s Something You Never Believed Until You Experienced It

What’s Something You Never Believed Until You Experienced It

I had a really hard time coming up with something for this one.  This is what I found… I never thought that I would be a frustrated parent.  Yep,  I admit, I am human and a normal Mom.  LOL!

I always wanted to be a Mother.  Always wanted children. I just never imagined that I would lose my temper, get frustrated, or try to keep my children busy, so that I could have some quiet time.  Well, it happened.  Not all the time, more just once in a while.  I find myself a pretty patient person.  There are times though that I wonder if I am giving them time-out for the right reason, or am I over reacting? Am I loosing my patience because they are trying me, or is it my hormones?  See a pattern here… I don’t want to blame them.  I know they are little and I know that they are wonderful.  They do try my patience from time-to-time though and I have to remind myself that it is okay.  They are learning as I am learning.  We really are growing together.

I really feel bad sometimes when I see a sad face on one of my little guys and I want to fix it and I can’t.  What’s with that?!  I should be able too.  I always try my best.  I think of myself as a pretty good Mother, pretty well-rounded in my beliefs.  I want them to be the best young men they can be, without being to overbearing.  I know that I have gone overboard sometimes, but I hope that they will remember me as a Mom that loved them more than anything when they are older.  Why, because it’s true.  What else would I want, then for them to be loved more than they could ever imagine.  🙂


30 Days – Day 17

Day 17 — Someone from your childhood (A day late.)

Her name is Shelly.  Shelly and Shannon grew up across the street from me.  They lived with their Parents, Yvonne and Beau. Shelly was a year younger than me and Shannon was a year older.

I remember being over their house and Yvonne was walking around topless one day.  I think that she was in her bathing suit, well bottoms that is.  We were doing something in the kitchen.  Shelly walked right up to her Mother and started to suck on her nipple. That is all I really remember.  As I think about it today I realize that Shelly must have been only maybe 3 or 4 years old.  I always thought she was older.  It didn’t really freak me out, but you know, she was up walking around, a kid, not a baby or toddler.  She should be drinking out of a cup not her Mother’s boob.  Funny how I always thought that she was like 10.

I remember when I was in Kindergarten and she followed me to school one day.  I didn’t realize it until I was in class and she came wandering in.  I don’t recall if the teacher had me walk her home, or call her parents.  Maybe my Mother came and got her? Funny how you can remember one part of an incident and not the other?

I wasn’t always nice to Shelly.  I remember talking to her in the middle of the street between our houses.  She must have made be mad, because I punched her in the stomach, then turned around and ran home to hide.  I must have done it more than once, because I remember hiding on the couch one day and then another day in the kitchen.  I only remember Beau, her Father, coming over once to talk to me about it.

We used to wash out the black plastic garbage containers from the side of the house and put them in her front yard.  We would fill them with water from the hose and pretend they were hot tubs.

My Mother was a Jehovah’s Witness, so I wasn’t allowed to go trick-or-treating.  I remember passing out candy once, or twice though.  One year Shelly and I went and put on a bunch of my Mother’s old clothes, hats & gloves and went trick-or-treating on our block before it was dark.  That was fun!

I don’t remember how old I was when they moved away.  We did get back in touch when I was a young teenager.  Things got kind of weird between us during that time.  She would try to make all of my friends hers… the boys she would try to hang out with … she would wear my make-up and my clothes.  I even caught her trying to steal my make-up.  I gave her the benefit of the doubt and never made a big deal about it.  After hanging out with her for a week, or so,  I decided that the relationship wasn’t a healthy one.  She had quite a lot of issues.  Ones as a teenager I didn’t need to be dealing with.

I do remember going to a basket ball game with her at Oakridge Highschool.  I don’t know how old we were.  She was so excited that I went with her.  We were sitting in the bleachers and she got so excited and said “oh, that’s the coach I was telling you about how great he is!” She took off down the bleachers to him.  As he turned around I realized it was my Cousin Lee.  I waved at him excited to see him.  He waved back.  He then turned to Shelly and did not look very happy.  When she came back I was excited to tell her that was my Cousin. She had a funny look on her face.  I asked her what was up?  She said that he wasn’t very happy and wanted to talk to her later and that she had told him some things that weren’t truthful about me.  Apparently she had told him some things that were not true about me and he was not happy.  She had talked about this friend (who was me) to him quite a few times.  I never did find out what those “things” were.

I went to a party in Los Altos during highschool.  The party ended being at her and her Boyfriends house.  Yes, they were in highschool… I really don’t remember that whole story, or maybe I just never asked.  I have never been much into other people’s drama.  It was so strange though, because she latched right on to me.  Told everyone how this is the Kathleen that she has been talking about.  Her best friend.  Like she had been in touch for years and years and knew everything about me.  Again, very strange.

Later when I was in my early 30’s she tried to contact me again though e-mail.  I was living in Louisiana, married and had 3 small children.  I ignored her e-mails, which sounds mean, but the other run-ins my family had with her over the years had warned me to be weary.  I trust them and did so.  I didn’t need anything, or anyone to disrupt my life and unfortunately she could just not be trusted.

I know it sounds like maybe I was the mean one here, but removing myself from her life and away from a person that is so imbalanced was better for me.  Dealing something that is an habitual liar, is obsessed and off-balance can be a bit scary.  I still think about her to this day though.  About the fun times we had as young girls and hope that she is healthy and doing well.  🙂