Tag Archive | Husband

Raising Husbands & Fathers

I don’t know whose photo this is, but I hope they don’t mind me using it.15032168_255671434847402_4705620029773180601_n.jpg

I love this photo. I’m always worrying about who my children are and what types of adults they will be. I want them to be kind, strong, stable and loving towards their own family one day. To support and defend their family. All I can do is my best.

I love my 4 Boys and know that some days I really feel like I am screwing them up. I hope that isn’t the truth. I know I can be hard on myself and them as well some days. I can only hope that I have instilled something amazing in them. Something wonderful that others will see, so that people gravitate towards them and they are surround with love, always.  🙂

xoxo

One Lonely Mommy

 

I think I just need to get right to it.

I cried to 3 of my Boys the day before yesterday. I was a mess.  Don’t get me wrong, I was super happy waking up, even after dropping off my 3rd Son for his 8th grade trip, whom I am missing immensely.

I woke up and was ready for a great day. A friend of mine shot me a message asking if we wanted to go over to the Boardwalk for a while then over to the swim center for some free swim time.  Sounded great to me!

I went into the office to run the plan by my 3 Boys that are home for Spring Break. None of them budged from in front of their computers.  They all said, “No thank you Mom.”

You know what? I went upstairs and cried. Then I came back downstairs and told them all why. I told them that i am sad and my heart hurts, because I feel like they don’t like to spend time with me.  Ever. That I always have to be the bad guy and pressure them to do, anything.  I mean anything.  A movie, a hike, camping, go out to eat. You name it.

You know what people? There are days that I feel so lonely and I live in a house with 6 other people. The majority of them sit on their computers all day.  In that damn office, all 5 of them, and I won’t see anyone for hours. I don’t get asked what I’m up too. I don’t get asked anything. Some days no one will even come and talk to me.  The only time I get any communication is when I ask if someone wants something to eat, ask if they want to do something, or go somewhere, or if I go into the office and speak to them. That sucks!  That’s lonely.

This isn’t a poor-me post. This is real. My feelings are real. My life is real. I miss my kids. All. The. Time. They can stay away from me when they are in college, or get wives of their own, dammit! I love my kids and want to do all kinds of fun things with them. It freaks me out when my family doesn’t want to spend time with me. Not even an hour of hiking, or going to the damn grocery store.  Come on!

Is it so much to want to feel like I am loved, needed, wanted and fun to be around? Is it so awful to want someone to make the plans with me for a change? I’m not talking about my friends. I mean my family, especially the ones that live in my house. I crave family time. Crave it terribly. So terribly that I broke down this week. Damnit.

I feel like it shouldn’t even be a thought in my head to feel like this. I do my best at all time, to spend time with my Husband and children. All the time. It feels like shit to get turned down.  Constantly.

Okay, I’m done. It doesn’t change the way I feel though.  It doesn’t change how lonely I feel a lot of the time in my own home. 

xo

 

7 Things I Love About My Husband

1… He’s super funny and makes me laugh and smile.IMG_5515

2… He cleans up my puke.  Seriously.  Laugh if you must, but this is huge. We laugh about it, you can too.

3… His ass. Perfect.

4… His drive in everything that he does.  It’s inspiring and a turn-on.

5… His strength. If he ever had to carry me miles to safety, he would. He would probably be crying after a minute, or two, because I am too heavy, but he is super strong and he would do it no matter what.

6… He is so damn smart! He’s my Renaissance Man. I totally dig that about him.

7… He’s an amazing Father.  Just ask my Boys, they’ll tell you the same. No hesitation.

🙂

XOXO

Delicious Fish Tacos

I made some kick-ass Fish Tacos tonight! Tilapia isn’t my favorite white fish, but I seasoned them so beautifully, that it didn’t really matter.IMG_6499 2

I cooked the fish in a teaspoon of clarified butter and coconut oil.  Seasoned it with Seafood Seasoning, Garlic Salt, Lemon Pepper and Paprika.  Both Sides.

I cut the kernels off the corn and sautéed it in a half teaspoon of clarified butter and fresh minced garlic. I then added the shredded cabbage at the end.  Just to warm the cabbage. Set aside.

The salsa was made by my Father this afternoon.  He makes the best salsa EVER!  Hands down!

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Everyone enjoyed dinner, with the exception of my youngest. He isn’t feeling great today and needed to just head to bed.  He scrounged for a bit of string cheese and a nice cold vanilla Italian soda that he made with the Soda Stream.  Hopefully, he’ll wake up in the morning feeling 110%. 🙂

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xo

Movies that make you go hmmm…

 I love a movie that just gets your thoughts flowing… What would it be like to hike the PCT? Am I out of control in my life? Would my Boys be sad if I died? Why haven’t I bought a new pair of hiking books, I love to hike? Am I wasting my life? What is my full potential? I wonder if I make my family happy? Does Andrew still love me the way he used to? Am I boring? Am I disgusting? Am I happy? I’m so happy the weather is cool today. I’m happy I got those counters decluttering in the kitchen today. I don’t want to die. What time is it? I miss camping. I wonder how much the train is to Oregon? I wonder if I make Andrew happy? Don’t forget to ask Dad if he can pick Devin up today. Maybe I should look into posting those bikes on Craigslist. I could totally hike for miles in my Tevas. I wonder what kinds of essentials I would need for a long backpacking trip? I need to book us a trip to the Treesort. I wonder which train station is closest to the Treesort? I wonder if Andrew would be up for a train ride? I wonder if Andrew can get some time off work? I haven’t ridden my bike for a while, maybe I’ll take it over to Perfectly Pressed tomorrow. I need to start riding that hill more often to get stamina. One day it will get easier, right? Why am I so hungry today? I wonder how many points that juice was I drank this morning? I wonder how many points beets juiced are? What the hell is with all of these “national” days? I wonder who decides and creates these “national” days? They’re kind of dumb, are people that bored? I would never do heroine. Why are my eyes bothering me so much?

My crazy thoughts for an afternoon. I must say though, that movies as these get your juices flowing. I like that. 😀

xo

Walking to calm the soul. 

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I woke up so happy early this morning, ran downstairs with a plan in mind, then my morning took a nose-dive. I went back upstairs, changed into my walking clothes, then went down with a much needed intention that I needed to get out and walk for two hours.  Just put my headphones on, turn on a podcast and breathe.

I finally got out the door over an hour later. Taking care of my family and important deeds. I walked out the door. I walked for about 35 minutes.  Enjoying this beautiful day. Thinking positive thoughts. Enjoying this amazing town that I live in. Walked to the end of the wharf admiring the tourists take photos. The locals fishing. The fisherman packing fish. Just enjoying the business of those around me. All while still breathing slow and deep.

  I must IMG_5879also say, that when I put on Rose Caraway’s, Kiss Me Quick’s Podcast, I am able to clear my mind a bit and force myself to focus on the stories. I am so thankful.

I know I mentioned yesterday, that this has been a trying month for me. A month VERY out of the norm of my preferred mood.  I am just happy that I am instilling things that will help me move forward and out of my current space.

I also must add that it is my Father’s 80th Birthday today. How amazing is that!

When I got home from my walk, we put the candles on the glorious Key Lime Pie that I both from him at Gayle’s before my walk. He asked for pie this year instead of cake.

I have to say, that I am amazed by my Father. He dances every Friday night.  He is so active and vivacious. I just hope that I can grow-up to be as healthy as he is. It is just so wonderful and a blessing.

My Father has lived with us for 15 1/2 years now. A third parent to my children. They don’t know life without him. He adores them and they adore him. It is a beautiful relationship they have. That is what makes my soul happy today.   🙂

xo

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