Tag Archive | Hope

“I told you I’m fine.”

“I told you I’m fine,” when he had fainted 15 hours before. “I told you I’m fine,” after he tells me his head feels like it’s between a vice. “I told you I’m fine,” after he’s had diarrhea for three weeks and just told me so this morning. “I told you I’m fine,” after throwing up all day Sunday. “I told you I’m fine,” after he steps down off the scale showing he’s lost roughly 10 pounds. “I told you I’m fine,” after he tells me he can only eat and drink a little at a time. “I told you I’m fine,” after he called me from school saying he only made it up two flights of stairs and had to take the elevator the last two, because he felt so weak. “I told you I’m fine,” after he sat in my room and told me that every little sound was magnified and he he just wanted to lay in his bed where it is quiet. “I told you I’m fine,” when he looks into my eyes and he is clearly not.

Son, you are not fine. You will not leave our side. You will see a doctor. I will make sure you get better. These symptoms do not mean that you are fine. To appease me does not make you fine. The only fine thing will be when you smile and tell me how great you feel. For real. That is when you will be fine.

In the meantime I will keep at it. Keep caring about you. Keep watch over you. Keep trying to figure out how to make you fine and heathy. I will never give up. I am your Mother. The only time I am happy is when you are truly ‘fine’.

I love you. ❌⭕️❌⭕️

Brilliant!

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This really stuck with me today. It can’t express how I feel any better.  It also reminds me of what I need to do in my life. What I think about constantly, but don’t follow through with. That I need to just speak and not walk on eggshells. That I need to do more for myself and what makes me feel good.  

I want to thank, Rachael, a friend on Facebook. One of the very few friends that I have on Facebook, that I have never actually met in person. I adore your drive for life. For peace. For health. For education.  ♥

xo

Loss

Please help Jake and Dave through this tragedy and new journey.  They need our support.  xo

Please help Jake and Dave through this tragedy and new journey. They need our support. xo

I spent the day yesterday at the hospital. A friend of my children’s, and ours as well, was in a fatal car accident on Saturday night.  Jake, 13-years-old, was riding in the backseat with his Sister, 17-years-old, in the passenger seat, and their Mother driving. The car lost control and they collided with the oncoming car.  His Mother and Sister were killed. He has been in the Pediatric ICU since he was airlifted to the hospital on Saturday.

We are just devastated. You have your beautiful life in front of you every day.  In a moment, it can change. I kiss my children before they go to bed at night, when they get up in the morning, before they leave for school, when they get home and at random throughout the day. I always have. There is no reason not too. They are my life. My loves. I couldn’t imagine my life without them. I tell them I love them every chance I can get.

Watching Jake suffer yesterday with several injuries inflicted from the pain, I couldn’t stop thinking about how he was going to be mentally.  (As of now, he is on pain medications that make his mind hazy, healing from a severe concussion and also facing the mental trauma of the accident.)  After he finally wakes up and is coherent.  Has complete thoughts and starts to realize where he is, remember what happened, and learn of the deaths of his Mother and Sister.  This just brings me to my knees.

I sat with my Husband and included my children on creating a GoFundMe account to help Dave, his father, as well as Jake.  Dave is a single Father.  He has custody and has been raising them.  I know they saw their Mother very regularly.  Now Dave is facing burying his Daughter and recouping the health of his Son.  The GoFundMe account will help Dave and Jack with medical bills, physical therapy, loss of wages, food and so much more.

I want to help in any way I can.  Seeing people donate that don’t even know this family is so heartwarming and amazing.  I cry with each donation.  They will be needing this so desperately.

I have so much more to say, but I am so exhausted from the weeks events.  ❤️❤️Today I am trying to focus on the positive.  Today is my oldest Sons Birthday.  I can’t believe I’m a Mother of a 15-year-old.  An absolutely amazing, intelligent, gorgeous 15-year-old.  That is something to live for and celebrate. ❤️❤️ XOXO

Being Grateful… Post #2

This is the second day that my #3 Son was complaining about going to school. “Math is too easy. For General Music yesterday we just sat in the library, I didn’t even meet my Music teacher.  You could teach me at home and I would do all the work you wanted. I wish I could sleep in.  I was tired the first morning of school and we had a vocabulary test and I didn’t know that it would affect the books I could read, because it put me at a different level.  I want to read werewolf books, not these lower level books.  My throat hurts. I have a nasty taste in my mouth when I swallow.  I want to be home with you.  You could home-school me, it would be much better than going to school.”  Tears two days in a row. His sayings went on-and-on.

Do I feel terrible?  Yes. Am I giving in?  No. I told him that I would love to have him home with me every day. It is important that he goes to school though. He needs the socialization, interactions, learning experiences, etc.  I told him that he has a fantastic teacher.  He agreed.

Days like these I wish I could just keep him home. He has done this to me his whole life.  It makes me feel bad, but I work hard to be strong. I honestly don’t think that I could do it. I don’t know if that is terrible, or not.

As he and I sat on the couch chatting this morning.  Him crying, me hugging him and talking quietly, I asked him to do me a favor.  To write down what he is grateful for in his journal today that he keeps with him. I told him that it might make him feel better and realize that he has many wonderful things in his life. Especially on the harder days. He said he would try to remember to do it if he had time. I hope that he did and comes home to show me.  I think putting the positive in front of all the negative that he is feeling would boost his spirits tremendously. 

Today I am grateful for…

Patience

My wonderful Father

Hope

🙂  xo