Tag Archive | Emotions

“I told you I’m fine.”

Dec4

“I told you I’m fine,” when he had fainted 15 hours before. “I told you I’m fine,” after he tells me his head feels like it’s between a vice. “I told you I’m fine,” after he’s had diarrhea for three weeks and just told me so this morning. “I told you I’m fine,” after throwing up all day Sunday. “I told you I’m fine,” after he steps down off the scale showing he’s lost roughly 10 pounds. “I told you I’m fine,” after he tells me he can only eat and drink a little at a time. “I told you I’m fine,” after he called me from school saying he only made it up two flights of stairs and had to take the elevator the last two, because he felt so weak. “I told you I’m fine,” after he sat in my room and told me that every little sound was magnified and he he just wanted to lay in his bed where it is quiet. “I told you I’m fine,” when he looks into my eyes and he is clearly not.

Son, you are not fine. You will not leave our side. You will see a doctor. I will make sure you get better. These symptoms do not mean that you are fine. To appease me does not make you fine. The only fine thing will be when you smile and tell me how great you feel. For real. That is when you will be fine.

In the meantime I will keep at it. Keep caring about you. Keep watch over you. Keep trying to figure out how to make you fine and heathy. I will never give up. I am your Mother. The only time I am happy is when you are truly ‘fine’.

I love you. ❌⭕️❌⭕️

A Sweet Sunday

Oct4

Today was a good day.  It stated out with watching a couple of episodes of Orange is the New Black in bed. Relaxing and easing into the day.

About 9:30 I rolled out of bed, washed my face, brushed my teeth, moisturized, brushed my hair, then threw on some clothes. Down the stairs I went. Had an apple and gathered my things to head out with my family to the beach.

Sunday is the rest of my families day to hang out with the guys and the kids.  They’ve done soccer, ultimate frisbee and now they are on to beach volleyball. It’s a joy to watch them all gather, join teams and play for fun.  All of the laughter and smiles on their faces makes me so happy inside.  I truly enjoy watching them on Sundays.

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After a bit of watching the guys, my friend, Laura, and I walked over to Armida’s tasting room for a little wine tasting. It’s always a treat, both the wine and the wonderful company.

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After some wine tasting and great conversation, I made my short trek back home.  I had some wonder food to prepare.

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Today I made Falafel’s, Garlic Hummus, Basil Pesto and Mint Garlic Pesto. All from scratch. Everything turned out beautiful.  Super yummy too.

We had the Falafel’s and some of the hummus for dinner. I’ll use both of the pesto’s this week with my meals. Yum! 🙂

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I baked a batch and also friend a batch.  I wanted to be able to compare them.

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Garlic Hummus

Garlic Hummus

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Basil Pine Nut Pesto

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Mint Basil Cashew Pesto

By the way… the hummus came out kick-ass! Maybe I should rename it, Kathleen’s Kick-Ass Garlic Hummus? Ha! 🙂

xo

Brilliant!

Sep17

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This really stuck with me today. It can’t express how I feel any better.  It also reminds me of what I need to do in my life. What I think about constantly, but don’t follow through with. That I need to just speak and not walk on eggshells. That I need to do more for myself and what makes me feel good.  

I want to thank, Rachael, a friend on Facebook. One of the very few friends that I have on Facebook, that I have never actually met in person. I adore your drive for life. For peace. For health. For education.  ♥

xo

The Land of Medicine Buddha

Apr30

This morning I dropped my children off at school then headed to explore Land of Medicine Buddha.  I heard that it was beautiful from two different friends and it was time to take my own hike and see what it was all about.

It is a Buddhist retreat that is open to the public.  It is very well-kept and absolutely gorgeous to hike though.

I read that the hike was about 6 miles, but I did the 8 Verses Loop Trail and calculated 2 to 2 1/2 miles.  Perfect for a nice stroll and a time of reflection.  In would be great with the kiddos.  Not too short and not too long.  It would be great for them to go and read the Verses and reflect a little as well.

I look forward to going back and exploring the Enchanted Forest.  Maybe that is where the longer hike wraps around.  I look forward to finding out.

Anyway, it was just what I needed this morning, before the rest of the day got away from me.  The forest is so amazing where I live.  I will never tire of it.

As I passed by all of he ferns, I was reminded of my Grandma Marge.  When we would go to Oregon, she would go into the mountains and dig up small ferns and bring them home to plant in her yard.  I have her love for ferns as well.  She was a beautiful woman.

Next time I take this hike, I won’t be taking any photos, so I decided to take them all today.  It was so beautiful I just couldn’t help myself.  It was all worth being documented.

I used the prayer wheel as soon as I arrived.  I’m not religious, but it never hurts to put out what you would like to receive in this universe.  I just felt, right.

I hope you enjoy the many photos I took today.  🙂

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xo

Food Freak-Out

Feb11

This commercial freaks me out every time I see it. Scares me really.

When I was at the grocery store today getting some tortilla chips and cereal for my Boys, along with a few other items, I look around freaked out. I bought the  few things I needed, then I only bought Bananas, Grapes and Cuties in the produce area. I didn’t even see a reason to get anything else. I told myself that I would just hit the fruit stand today later on.

What it all comes down to, is that things have really changed since I was a kid. Yeah, the soda and snacks are still around, but the ingredients have changed. It scares me. I also scares me how much more of it all there is. I don’t want to give my children something that I would regret for their health later. Yes, I said regret. I say that, because I don’t believe in regrets for myself, but for my children it would kill me if I wasn’t feeding them healthy enough today and it affected their health later.

It is up to me to teach them right from wrong. Healthy, and non healthy. I most comfortable with beef, chicken and seafood. Along with fresh vegetables and fruit. Rice on occasion. Pasta on occasion too. It’s hard to care for others.

Don’t get me wrong, I still bake with sugar, butter and flower.  I would way rather bake for my children than to buy them junk from the store.  It’s not every day though.  I’m hoping that I can teach them some balance.

I saw this video again today after Super Bowl, because I was in my Weight Watchers account. Logging my 3.7 ounces chicken breast that I just ate for lunch. I clicked on the link and it just struck me.  Hard.  Sometimes I feel like what they eat is so out of my hands, it freaks me out.  Sigh, I just worry about their healthy future.

Just thought I would share my thoughts. 🙂

xo

Someone Like You

May8

Oh it’s so true, as I sit here listening to this song… Life is bittersweet. No regrets I say. Life is spectacular & I am thankful. I have loved & lost… Lost a lot… Lived more than most… Loved more than most… I never forget & love my life as a whole each & every day. I love to the extreme & feel loss just as hard. It’s life right? Well, it’s my life & I plan on keep living it to the fullest with my love, woo hoo’s, many hugs, peace & forgetful nights. I want every second to have meaning. I want everyone to feel love & admiration. As I have always said… Life on the edge, don’t fall off.   🙂

I heard that your settled down.
That you found a girl and your married now.
I heard that your dreams came true.
Guess she gave you things I didn’t give to you.
Old friend why are you so shy?
It ain’t like you to hold back or hide from the light.
I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited.
But I couldn’t stay away I couldn’t fight it.
I’d hoped you’d see my face,
And that you’d be reminded that for me it isn’t over.
Nevermind I’ll find someone like you.
I wish nothing but the best for you too.
Don’t forget me I beg
I remember you said:-
“Sometimes it lasts in love,
but sometimes it hurts instead”
Sometimes it lasts in love,
but sometimes it hurts instead yeah.
You’d know how the time flies.
Only yesterday was the time of our lives.
We were born and raised in a summery haze.
Bound by the surprise of our glory days.
I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
But I couldn’t stay away I couldn’t fight it.
I’d hoped you’d see my face & that you’d be reminded
That for me it isn’t over yet.
Nevermind I’ll find someone like you.
I wish nothing but the best for you too.
Don’t forget me I beg
I remember you said:-
“Sometimes it lasts in love,
but sometimes it hurts instead”
Nothing compares
no worries or cares.
Regret’s and mistakes they’re memories made.
Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?
Nevermind I’ll find someone like you.
I wish nothing but the best for you too.
Don’t forget me I beg,
I remembered you said:-
“Sometimes it lasts in love,
but sometimes it hurts instead”
Nevermind I’ll find someone like you.
I wish nothing but the best for you too.
Don’t forget me I beg,
I remembered you said:-
“Sometimes it lasts in love,
but sometimes it hurts instead”
Sometimes it lasts in love,
but sometimes it hurts instead.
~Adele
Xo

Military Emotions

May10

I was at my oldest Sons Patriotic Music Performance last week on Thursday.  It was the 4th, 5th & 6th grades.  During the end of the performance they sing each individual military song & ask each class… Army, Navy, Coast Guard, You get the idea, To stand while they sing so they can pay tribute. For the second year in a row, at least that is how I remember it, I get very upset.  I find myself having to really breath & control my emotion & tears.  It’s crazy!  Let me tell you a little about me.  I don’t like the military, any of it honestly.  I don’t like the killing & actions that it brings upon so many.  So many people gone from their families. Sometimes for good.  I don’t like the pain, hurt & killing in any way that you may justify it to me.  Other countries are what they are & the majority if that time it doesn’t make life better w/ war.

I have tried to figure out where my emotion comes from just out of the blue.  Maybe it is deep inside unconsciously thinking of all of the abandoned families & lives that have been lost.  I am at a loss.