“I told you I’m fine,” when he had fainted 15 hours before. “I told you I’m fine,” after he tells me his head feels like it’s between a vice. “I told you I’m fine,” after he’s had diarrhea for three weeks and just told me so this morning. “I told you I’m fine,” after throwing up all day Sunday. “I told you I’m fine,” after he steps down off the scale showing he’s lost roughly 10 pounds. “I told you I’m fine,” after he tells me he can only eat and drink a little at a time. “I told you I’m fine,” after he called me from school saying he only made it up two flights of stairs and had to take the elevator the last two, because he felt so weak. “I told you I’m fine,” after he sat in my room and told me that every little sound was magnified and he he just wanted to lay in his bed where it is quiet. “I told you I’m fine,” when he looks into my eyes and he is clearly not.
Son, you are not fine. You will not leave our side. You will see a doctor. I will make sure you get better. These symptoms do not mean that you are fine. To appease me does not make you fine. The only fine thing will be when you smile and tell me how great you feel. For real. That is when you will be fine.
In the meantime I will keep at it. Keep caring about you. Keep watch over you. Keep trying to figure out how to make you fine and heathy. I will never give up. I am your Mother. The only time I am happy is when you are truly ‘fine’.
I had received a text message while out running errands that read…
Can I please have 50$ of my report card money, the total is 105 but I only need 50 currently.
Mommmm plz
?
I responded back with a, 👍 (thumbs-up emoticon). I was out and about and don’t like to text while driving.
After I got home from my errands, he and I had a conversation regarding, what he wanted the money for. He told me it was for some type of upgrade for his Minecraft game. He knows how I feel about wasting (I think it is a waste) on things like this. It should be used on things that you hold and use physically. Later, I received this email…
To: Kathleen Shelfer March 13, 2016 at 5:07 PM
From: Pierce Shelfer
Subject: Stufff
Why People Like Things Recently I asked you if I could get a game “upgrade” as you say it, and you said it’s a waste of money if you’re not going to use it frequently for example I’m using this upgrade for Minecraft. I like playing games, I like playing sports, and this is for a reason as this study shows. By Ted O’Callahan A piece of chocolate is among life’s simple, certain pleasures. The cocoa smell, the velvety feel as it melts on your tongue, and the taste—sweet and bitter—that stays in the mouth, all combine to create a heady experience. But what about the experience of carefully selecting and anticipating a favorite brand—peeling back gold foil wrapping, feeling the shape of the bar in your fingers. How much is that part of why you enjoy your favorite chocolate? Yale psychologist Paul Bloom argues that it’s easy to miss the complexity that underlies pleasure. His work looks at the subtleties of everyday behaviors like distinguishing art from everything else, the intuitive sense of fairness that children display, and the feeling of pleasure. That last topic resulted in a book, How Pleasure Works, in which Bloom shows how the most obvious factors—a catchy melody or mouthwatering smells—don’t explain pleasure fully. “Pleasure is affected by deeper factors, including what the person thinks about the true essence of what he or she is getting pleasure from,” he notes in the book. You see mom and dad, I have a reason for liking these things physiologically. I have fun with these things I buy with games, I know Mom that you wouldn’t understand why I like to do these things but I’ll do an example of why you like to do something. For example, you like to go hiking or buy makeup. Life is your game and you like to buy these “upgrades” such as makeup. You buy makeup because it makes you feel good, well mom and dad buying these “upgrades” for these games make me feel good, and so it is not a waste because it makes us feel good that makes it not a waste of money since we all use “upgrades”. Mischievously, Pierce Shelfer ^^Please Read All of the Above^^
I must say, this child-of-mine, always has an amazing argument. That we have taught him well. Thoughtful, smart, witty, and well thought through. I love him with every breath I take.
At 13, he talks about becoming an Attorney or a Radiologist. Owning his own practice. When we were in the pediatricians office the other day, he looked at me and said, “This isn’t what my medical office is going to look like.” What a cool conversation that was. All of the equipment he would have, the technology, the decor. He has his head in the right direction. I can’t wait to see what he becomes. I know it will be great. 🙂
Good morning! This was my comment after watching this video this morning. You’re going to laugh!
“May 6, 2013… that’s how long I have been saving this video in my email inbox. Today is January 25, 2016! It’s about time right?!?! Yes! So, I watched this 1st wonderful video (while chopping an acorn squash in my kitchen, instead of sitting on my butt. Which is how I started it.) and am thinking… hmmmm… what kind of ritual would I like to have in the morning? Something different than I already have from my amazing life? Ha!! I’ll let you know when I figure that out. Thanks for all you do ladies! Can’t wait for day 2 tomorrow. 🙂 #Healthy #TheLifeOfAMother #JustForMe #TheSelfLoveRevolution”
I’ve been saving them for the right time to focus on “Me”. Haha, can you believe it! Focus on me? You would think I would have watched these a very, very long time ago.
The truth is, I try and focus on myself as much as I can. Yes, I have a super busy life, yes, I like it that way. Husband, Father, 4 Children, Myself… all in one house. Believe it, or not, we have a pretty damn good balance. This doesn’t mean that I don’t get off kilter from time-to-time, because, believe me I do. It just means that this wasn’t first on my list. Does that also mean that, I am not first on my list? No, I definitely try, I just get sidetracked.
After watching this video, I really feel like I need to stop and figure out a ritual that I would like to have that is different from what I already to. Take today for instance… My Husband kissed me goodbye. I got up, used the restroom, put my contacts on, combed any lasting lice eggs out of my youngest Son’s just-washed-hair, cleaned up, washed my face, flossed my teeth, brushed my teeth, put on my skincare products, brushed my hair, then got dressed. Kissed my 3rd Son goodbye for school, cooked 5 scrambled eggs for the 4th Son, ate a yogurt, powdered the two dogs with flea powder, put them in their kennel, then was off to take my 4th Son to school. There was my morning, thus far.
If I just look at that little part of my morning, I think that it was pretty productive.
I didn’t even mention everything that I did after I got back from that school drop off. Let the dogs out of the kennel, the 3 of us made our way upstairs to my room, chatted with the cable company, chatted with the sales guy, Alec, at the gym my boys want to join, cleaned my room, text with my 4 of my girlfriends and 2 of my Nieces, did Day 1 of a 30 day Squat Challenge, vacuumed my bedroom, watched this 1st video while chopping an acorn squash and putting it away for later, then made myself a yummy #LunchForOne, said good morning to my two oldest that have today off from school, had an intense conversation with my 2nd Son about his behavior towards others and how it makes them feel, then finally sat down to blog.
Phew! Haha! Yes, a pretty normal day for me. Now that I read back through all of that, what have I really done for me? Perfect reason for me to find a new ritual. Time to get my head together and figure that out ASAP. Maybe on the drive over to pick up my little Cousin from school? Or, maybe while I’m sitting in the carpool line picking up my youngest Son and 2 others that I drive home on the daily? Haha!
I’ll figure it out. I love to journal. I love to paint. I am a woman who goes through spurts and doesn’t really stick to the thinks I love, unless it is washing my face and tending to myself that way. At least I can say that I take care of myself with using amazing skincare products, having clean and nice clothes, a beautiful closet that I love to dress out of, books that I love to read and living in a town that I can never get enough of. 🙂
Yesterday I set out on another hike at the Land of Medicine Buddha and into the Enchanted Forest. This time with my good friend, Jen.
It was an absolutely gorgeous morning. How could it not be though, with the amazing place we call home.
We took a shorter route than I did the last week. This one about a mile and a half. After that loop, we walked the Eight Versus Trail to get a little extra land in. We finished at about 3 miles. 3 glorious miles though.
It was the first time that I went to the temple and saw this amazing statue. It was huge. I am assuming about 25 feet tall. All indoors.
I didn’t go in, but will next time. Maybe bring a token of my gratification for whomever created this beautiful place for me to enjoy.
Even though I am not religious, I find that looking at these little beautiful scenes that I find all over this property, brings me a calm. I’ll welcome that any time.
While visiting one of the little shrines in the Enchanted Forest, I found a rock that was placed for Madyson Middleton. I was hoping I would see one. That made me smile. HOWEL FOR MADDY!!
At one point of the short round about, we walked down hill. Steep down the hill. My knees don’t usually like that, but I am feeling pretty great today, so I’ll probably to it again if I want a shorter hike day.
I love looking around and noticing all of the changes going on for Autumn. The color of the leaves, the ferns in full force, the wildflowers dyeing off.
A couple of months ago a little girl was murdered on our area. It was an absolute tragedy. The community has come together to create a very positive light for her memory to survive.
This morning I was telling my youngest Son that it is Madyson Middleton’s Birthday and her Mother has put a celebration together for her today. A gathering that is open to all to attend at Harvey West Park. Bounce House, Art, Face Painting, snacks. I asked him if he would like to attend?
He looked at me and said… “Mom, I don’t think I want to go, I think that I would just be sad the whole time. I understand that this is to celebrate her birthday, but why would her mother and family want to keep being reminded that she is gone? That would make me just feel worse.”
I told him that this is a way for some people to cope with their loss in a positive way. They celebrate, remember, do some of their favorite things and remember the happy times. He still didn’t agree. His face looked scrunched and deep in though. He just said, “I just don’t think that they should be having a party. I can’t go. It will make me sad.”
I sighed and hugged him tight. I have to say that I agree with my very thoughtful little man. I appreciate his honesty and his sincerity. Even though I understand why the gathering is being held, I don’t think that I would be able to hold such an event if it were me. It’s not me though, and I respect others and their feelings.
My family didn’t know the little girl who was murdered. We do know good friends of hers though. I know they are having a very tough day. I know that every day is tough. That is what death brings to us. Sadness, anger, confusion and so much more. It can be debilitating. I know, I’ve felt loss.
Tell those close to you that you love them. Right this very minute. Support those that need it the most. Right this very minute. Hug everyone that you can. Every day. There is never a wrong positive gesture. Do it now. Don’t wait. 🙂
Today was a good day. It stated out with watching a couple of episodes of Orange is the New Black in bed. Relaxing and easing into the day.
About 9:30 I rolled out of bed, washed my face, brushed my teeth, moisturized, brushed my hair, then threw on some clothes. Down the stairs I went. Had an apple and gathered my things to head out with my family to the beach.
Sunday is the rest of my families day to hang out with the guys and the kids. They’ve done soccer, ultimate frisbee and now they are on to beach volleyball. It’s a joy to watch them all gather, join teams and play for fun. All of the laughter and smiles on their faces makes me so happy inside. I truly enjoy watching them on Sundays.
After a bit of watching the guys, my friend, Laura, and I walked over to Armida’s tasting room for a little wine tasting. It’s always a treat, both the wine and the wonderful company.
After some wine tasting and great conversation, I made my short trek back home. I had some wonder food to prepare.
Today I made Falafel’s, Garlic Hummus, Basil Pesto and Mint Garlic Pesto. All from scratch. Everything turned out beautiful. Super yummy too.
We had the Falafel’s and some of the hummus for dinner. I’ll use both of the pesto’s this week with my meals. Yum! 🙂
I baked a batch and also friend a batch. I wanted to be able to compare them.
Garlic Hummus
Basil Pine Nut Pesto
Mint Basil Cashew Pesto
By the way… the hummus came out kick-ass! Maybe I should rename it, Kathleen’s Kick-Ass Garlic Hummus? Ha! 🙂
I made some kick-ass Fish Tacos tonight! Tilapia isn’t my favorite white fish, but I seasoned them so beautifully, that it didn’t really matter.
I cooked the fish in a teaspoon of clarified butter and coconut oil. Seasoned it with Seafood Seasoning, Garlic Salt, Lemon Pepper and Paprika. Both Sides.
I cut the kernels off the corn and sautéed it in a half teaspoon of clarified butter and fresh minced garlic. I then added the shredded cabbage at the end. Just to warm the cabbage. Set aside.
The salsa was made by my Father this afternoon. He makes the best salsa EVER! Hands down!
Everyone enjoyed dinner, with the exception of my youngest. He isn’t feeling great today and needed to just head to bed. He scrounged for a bit of string cheese and a nice cold vanilla Italian soda that he made with the Soda Stream. Hopefully, he’ll wake up in the morning feeling 110%. 🙂
I set out with my family this evening to try and catch the beautiful Eclipse and Red Moon, but the marine layer had something else in mind. We waited, but were still not able to see the moon.
While waiting I walked down to the shore and was able to capture a few beautiful photos of the sun setting. Unfortunately, something has gone haywire with the setting in my Camera, so I opted to take a few with my iPhone. I’m just happy they came out as well as they did.
I hope you enjoy.
After I got home my Niece sent me a quick text and told me that she could see the moon out a bit now. I headed out to the balcony. I’m so happy that I was able to catch the tail end of the eclipse. It is so beautiful. Again, unfortunately, I had to capture a few with me iPhone. I suppose it’s better than nothing.
“The City Bathed In Orange” Original Untouched Photograph by Kathleen Shelfer
Last night I attended a Birthday party on the Zinfandel Yacht out of the Alameda Harbor. It was fantastic! I never even fathomed that we would be going under the Bay Bridge and having the most amazing views of The City.
It was 6:30 p.m. and the sun was going down. We all boarded the yacht. With it being such a hot day, we went immediately up to the top deck to cool off and find a seat. As the Birthday Boy boarded the boat, we headed back downstairs to say our hello’s and Happy Birthday. Big hugs too.
I don’t really want to get into then whole logistics of the party. What I really want to talk about is the views of The City. The memories it carries for me and how much I enjoyed remembering them last night.
As I watched the sunset over the Bay I realized what I was looking at. The Bay Bridge with The City in the background. I was in awe. Frozen to the amazing view. I found an open window and just stared.
I am still a little baffled at how to exactly explain how I was feeling. I was happy. Excited. Calm. Just to name a few. Even a little sad. I had memories flying through my head of the great times that I have had there.
San Francisco is the first City that I had fallen in love with. It’s as pure and simple as that. I am so happy that I was able to experience the views of The City at night from the Bay again. It had been too many years. The last time was with my friend, Taylor, one 4th of July when I was 27, or 28. What a night that was! Another story, for another day. 😉
“The City Bathed In Orange” Original Untouched Photograph by Kathleen Shelfer
#TheLifeOfAMother 