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Not Even 30

Yesterday came and went

It would have been your Birthday

Your 30th

A day to celebrate

Celebrate your wonder

Your Smile

How cherished you are

Not a day for tears

To ‘cheers’ without you

Without hearing you laugh

And without seeing that contagious smirk

We still toast you though

Your loving memory

A memory of a life lost

Forever lost

Lost

I wish I knew that you were lost

I wish I knew your pain

I wish I knew when you were scared

Or mad

Or over it all

I wish I knew it all

Now I just feel sadness

Shocked is the only way to describe

Loss

Lost

Full of a bucket of tears that keeps refilling itself

With no end

No end

I love you

My sweet little Brother

I love you.

xoxo

Photos Are Our History

Good morning!☀️🌞😃 

This is such a true statement. I’ve talked to people that have burned, thrown away or tore up old photos. I don’t believe in that. I think that photos are your history. With good memories, or bad. They are still your history and something that should be cherished.

I wish that I had more photos of myself when I was young. I have one of myself with my father. I have another of myself with my Mother. Another of my Grandmother, myself and my Cousin Keith. A couple of myself while very young alone while enjoying summer vacation. A couple teenage ones. Now, a lot as an adult. 

I take tons of photos of my children. They hold so many memories for me. One day when they look at them, I hope they will hold wonderful memories for them and show them their history.

That brings me to another subject. Don’t forget to save and also print out the photos on your phones. I think thousands, even millions, of photos are getting lost each day, because we dont download them and print them out. What a waste. Take some time and do it. You will be happy you did. 🙂

xoxo 

Dear Penny…

Dear Penny,

I was so looking forward to seeing you at the girls-trip that we discussed. Seeing that smile you always had on your face, with that little twinkle in your eye of humor that I always noticed. Hanging out with you and a drink in our hands.

Andrew always said that we were too much alike, irreverent in our own special and silly way. You would probably be pissed if this was you having to write to me, because things were cut so short and unexpected. That maybe we would have found out that we were so much alike. Sisters at heart, in laughter and spirit.

I’m just so thankful to that damn Facebook, for bringing those that we love close to us, but live so far. So thankful that I was able to chat with you, share photos, sorrows, and happy times.

I do have to admit though, I am pissed off, so very pissed that you are gone. Not here for us to enjoy you every day any more. Enjoy your posts of your super fun crossdressing friends, the bands that you love, expressions of your beloved mother, and how much you love my brother-in-law, Tad. I am going to miss that more than you know. Oh and don’t forget your kitties too! I love them as well and how crazy you are for them.

Even though I never got to hug you in person, I feel like I have a dozen times over. Your personality and spirit just poured into my life each and every day. Again, I am thankful for the internet and your bursting spirit.

I always felt like we were friends that have shared a bottle of wine, then a couple of cosmos. Together sitting and chatting all night long about all of the crazy things that we have done in our lives. Comparing, laughing and making plans for more. Wanting to introduce each other to the others’ wonderful and crazy friends. Always expecting more crazy and amazing times.

Penny, I already miss you, in my heart and in my soul. I doesn’t matter that I’ve not laughed with you face-to-face, or hugged you in person, I love you. I love you as my family. I will miss you and mourn you with my heart and soul.

One day I will get to have that cocktail with you. We may be different souls with different bodies, hell, it may be in a dream, but we will be there, together. I will hug you tight and see that beautiful light in your eyes. Yes, I will.

All of my love, your Sister-In-Law,

Kathleen. xo

11/22/15