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Who you were before…

fullsizeoutput_c6c8What a great question this poses. “Can you remember who you were before the world told you who you should be?” Can you? I can.

I think I have always tried to be pretty true to myself. I mostly do what I want, with giving myself just a few restrictions. It makes me seem a kinder person. Ha!

I did always want to be a mother. I’m super happy with that party of my life. Even though some days can be really, really hard. I love being a mother so much. My Boys are amazing. I do cry not wanting them to grow older, but I wonder what amazing men they will be one day.

I had a friend from the past message me on Facebook several years ago. He said something like… “You are the only person I know that had done what you said that you were going to when you got older. You always told us that you wanted a family. To have children and be married. But, you still always wanted to have fun. See your friends. Dance, laugh, enjoy life. You did it. I’m so happy to still know you.” I cherish those words. Especially coming from someone who knew me when I was living it to the fullest and partying and working in San Francisco. Party every night, work every day. It was a wild and fun time.

I always try to be a good wife, family member, friend and mentor. People seem to like me, other’s, not so much. It is what it is. Sometimes I wish that I knew why those others didn’t like me sometimes, or why they were cold and distant. It’s that honesty thing again I suppose. Not everone has it. Some people treat it like a game.

The only thing I really struggle with is wanting to be honest and true to myself all of the time. A lot of people are so, so very defensive when you are honest with them. I always explain it as… having to walk on egg shells. It sucks actually. I feel like it makes me hold back. Makes me not always have a smile on my face. Makes me not communicate like I want to and like I would like to. I do it just to avoid conflict, when I feel in my heart that I shouldn’t have to ever try to avoid anything. To me it isn’t negative, or trying to create conflict, it is just honest communication. To others, I am mean, one-sided, bossy, blah, blah, blah.

When did honesty turn into something negative? I know when. When the other person turns it into something negative, that’s when.

Anyway, I’m happy 95% of the time. I think that is pretty damn good. I try not to let the world and others dictate how I live my life, how I feel, what I say or how I think. The other 5% I give in, mostly because I care too damn much. 🙂

xo

 

 

SafeSound Personal Alarm Thoughts?

teardrop_backpack_cut.jpgSource: SafeSound Personal Alarm

What does everyone think about these?

I was texting with a friend the other day about all of the crap that has been going on in Santa Cruz County. Burglaries, missing people, gang violence, heroin addicts along the river, tweakers walking into your home, car and business trailer thefts, delivery box robberies off of your porch, murders and the list goes on and on.

Anyway, she mentioned to me that she is now going to the gym pretty early in the morning and having to walk to and from her car in a parking garage. There aren’t always people around to help if there was a need, so she was going to go and get a pepper spray. I told her I thought it was a good idea and I know that Big 5 sold them.

I spotted this, this morning. It looks pretty great. Easy to use. I wouldn’t put it on my purse, or backpack I don’t think though. Just because, a lot of the time, that is what the asshole will go for first. Maybe carry it in your hand, or on your keys? Maybe on the zipper on your jacket? Maybe have several in different places?

I also think this would be great for kids, boys and girls. Adults as well. All humans. Safety is pretty key in our world, unfortunately.

Getting assaulted is nothing new. It has gone on since the beginning of human kind. Why not be safer in any way you can. You have nothing to lose. I may have to put these in everyone’s stockings for Christmas this year. Not a bad idea at all.

What do you think? Would love your opinion… 🙂

xo

Raising Husbands & Fathers

I don’t know whose photo this is, but I hope they don’t mind me using it.15032168_255671434847402_4705620029773180601_n.jpg

I love this photo. I’m always worrying about who my children are and what types of adults they will be. I want them to be kind, strong, stable and loving towards their own family one day. To support and defend their family. All I can do is my best.

I love my 4 Boys and know that some days I really feel like I am screwing them up. I hope that isn’t the truth. I know I can be hard on myself and them as well some days. I can only hope that I have instilled something amazing in them. Something wonderful that others will see, so that people gravitate towards them and they are surround with love, always.  🙂

xoxo

52 Hike Challenge – Hike 1

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Good morning!

A few weeks back I broke my toe and metatarsal during the night, as I was going back to bed from the restroom. Lovely! Anyway, it is pretty much healed now. A few discomforts , but nothing to really complain about.img_5162

I decided once my foot was feeling better I would join the 52 Hike Challenge on this past Monday. Well, I did it! I joined on Monday. Educated myself on the challenge and am going for it. I had been wanting to do it for months and am so glad that I finally did!

First off, I love to hike. I don’t get out enough and this is just the little extra push that I need.

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My favorite photo of the day. Looking up at the big, big trees.

I don’t get out as much as I like, because I have a busy family life. No complaints here though, I wouldn’t change a thing. I just need to fit in more time for me, which can be hard certain days. I am fortunate to live in an area where I can find a great hiking spot rather easily at the last minute.  Woot!img_5168

Tuesday was the first day I had a hike planned. I was thinking a 6 miler up at the Land of Medicine Buddha. I have a favorite hike there that I haven’t done in quite a long while. Well, bam, I am gifted with watching my Great Niece for the rest of the week. No worries! I’ll just take her with me for our first hike together. So, that’s what we did.

It’s fun and challenging hiking with a 2-year-old. Challenging, because they are very slow and rarely do you get to do more than a mile if they are walking on their own. Fun, because they are so fun to teach about the woods and see the wonder through their eyes.

It was a GREAT morning hiking with her and nostalgic. I use to take her older sisters hiking with me when they were little. I can’t wait for the 4 of us to all hike together. What a wonderful day that will be!

I’m just so excited that I got my first hike in, even though, only just over a mile, I got it done. It was a gorgeous day and exactly what Madison and I both needed.  🙂

xo

Photos Are Our History

Good morning!☀️🌞😃 

This is such a true statement. I’ve talked to people that have burned, thrown away or tore up old photos. I don’t believe in that. I think that photos are your history. With good memories, or bad. They are still your history and something that should be cherished.

I wish that I had more photos of myself when I was young. I have one of myself with my father. I have another of myself with my Mother. Another of my Grandmother, myself and my Cousin Keith. A couple of myself while very young alone while enjoying summer vacation. A couple teenage ones. Now, a lot as an adult. 

I take tons of photos of my children. They hold so many memories for me. One day when they look at them, I hope they will hold wonderful memories for them and show them their history.

That brings me to another subject. Don’t forget to save and also print out the photos on your phones. I think thousands, even millions, of photos are getting lost each day, because we dont download them and print them out. What a waste. Take some time and do it. You will be happy you did. 🙂

xoxo 

Movies that make you go hmmm…

 I love a movie that just gets your thoughts flowing… What would it be like to hike the PCT? Am I out of control in my life? Would my Boys be sad if I died? Why haven’t I bought a new pair of hiking books, I love to hike? Am I wasting my life? What is my full potential? I wonder if I make my family happy? Does Andrew still love me the way he used to? Am I boring? Am I disgusting? Am I happy? I’m so happy the weather is cool today. I’m happy I got those counters decluttering in the kitchen today. I don’t want to die. What time is it? I miss camping. I wonder how much the train is to Oregon? I wonder if I make Andrew happy? Don’t forget to ask Dad if he can pick Devin up today. Maybe I should look into posting those bikes on Craigslist. I could totally hike for miles in my Tevas. I wonder what kinds of essentials I would need for a long backpacking trip? I need to book us a trip to the Treesort. I wonder which train station is closest to the Treesort? I wonder if Andrew would be up for a train ride? I wonder if Andrew can get some time off work? I haven’t ridden my bike for a while, maybe I’ll take it over to Perfectly Pressed tomorrow. I need to start riding that hill more often to get stamina. One day it will get easier, right? Why am I so hungry today? I wonder how many points that juice was I drank this morning? I wonder how many points beets juiced are? What the hell is with all of these “national” days? I wonder who decides and creates these “national” days? They’re kind of dumb, are people that bored? I would never do heroine. Why are my eyes bothering me so much?

My crazy thoughts for an afternoon. I must say though, that movies as these get your juices flowing. I like that. 😀

xo

Sunday, Monday, Tuesday.

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Sunday…

I woke up feeling great! I cleaned myself up and headed out the door. I was on a mission to see some friends that are such beautiful souls.

My friend Dele was doing the Surf City AIDS Ride. Esplanade Park, in the Capitola Village, close to where I live, was the first stop on their map.

I loved cheering on the riders and they came in. Then here came Dele and her friend, Richard. Woo hoo!!! Right on riders!IMG_6068
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Can you believe that she was doing 65 miles that day?! Isn’t that just amazing!  She has done the AIDS Ride several times as well.  I am just so proud of what she does for others.  Constantly!  She is always an inspiration to me.

As for Kristofer, he will be doing the AIDS ride for his first time coming up.  I am so proud of his will and the endeavors he pursues.  Another true inspiration! For sure!

What a wonderful way to start my day.  Also, to set the tone for the rest of my week. 🙂

Monday…

After dropping the kiddos at school I came home, made myself a little breakfast, then took off for a walk. Headphones on, hit play on the podcast and off I went.

I never get bored walking around my home.  So many beautiful things to look at.  So many different paths to take.  Every single one of the breathtaking.

My walks each day have been making me feel so very good. Good for the mind. Good for my soul. Good for my mood. Good for my body. Just so many ways to list.

Here are a few pics from this wonderful town that I call home.  Enjoy!  🙂



  

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Tuesday…

What an amazing day this was.  A field trip with the 5th graders!  Woo hoo!

We met with a Guide, by the name of Todd. I believe that he is a Survival Trainer.  Anyway, he was fantastic.  On point. Patient with the kids and super informative.  I would love to take my family back for a day, or even a weekend and just have him teach us.  Great stuff!

IMG_6105We saw Banana Slugs, raccoon tracks at the creeks edge, learned how to walk like a fox and be aware of our surroundings.  We were shown what we need to make fire and how to do it.  We made shelters with what was available in our surroundings.


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I could just imagine what else we could have learned in a smaller group.  I was very impressed.  It made me really think about booking some really quality time with my family.  Away from the house.  Away from electricity and the distractions that it brings. Back to family, talking, stories, bonding.  I miss that so much.  xoxo

All in all, I must say that my mornings have been amazing.  It usually works out that if my morning stays calm, then the rest of my days does as well.  Kind of setting the day, if you will.  I love my life when it falls into place this way.  This month has been a very hard one for me.  A new chapter in the book of learning for sure! As for today, I couldn’t be happier. 🙂

xo