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Who you were before…

fullsizeoutput_c6c8What a great question this poses. “Can you remember who you were before the world told you who you should be?” Can you? I can.

I think I have always tried to be pretty true to myself. I mostly do what I want, with giving myself just a few restrictions. It makes me seem a kinder person. Ha!

I did always want to be a mother. I’m super happy with that party of my life. Even though some days can be really, really hard. I love being a mother so much. My Boys are amazing. I do cry not wanting them to grow older, but I wonder what amazing men they will be one day.

I had a friend from the past message me on Facebook several years ago. He said something like… “You are the only person I know that had done what you said that you were going to when you got older. You always told us that you wanted a family. To have children and be married. But, you still always wanted to have fun. See your friends. Dance, laugh, enjoy life. You did it. I’m so happy to still know you.” I cherish those words. Especially coming from someone who knew me when I was living it to the fullest and partying and working in San Francisco. Party every night, work every day. It was a wild and fun time.

I always try to be a good wife, family member, friend and mentor. People seem to like me, other’s, not so much. It is what it is. Sometimes I wish that I knew why those others didn’t like me sometimes, or why they were cold and distant. It’s that honesty thing again I suppose. Not everone has it. Some people treat it like a game.

The only thing I really struggle with is wanting to be honest and true to myself all of the time. A lot of people are so, so very defensive when you are honest with them. I always explain it as… having to walk on egg shells. It sucks actually. I feel like it makes me hold back. Makes me not always have a smile on my face. Makes me not communicate like I want to and like I would like to. I do it just to avoid conflict, when I feel in my heart that I shouldn’t have to ever try to avoid anything. To me it isn’t negative, or trying to create conflict, it is just honest communication. To others, I am mean, one-sided, bossy, blah, blah, blah.

When did honesty turn into something negative? I know when. When the other person turns it into something negative, that’s when.

Anyway, I’m happy 95% of the time. I think that is pretty damn good. I try not to let the world and others dictate how I live my life, how I feel, what I say or how I think. The other 5% I give in, mostly because I care too damn much. 🙂

xo

 

 

A Sweet Sunday

Today was a good day.  It stated out with watching a couple of episodes of Orange is the New Black in bed. Relaxing and easing into the day.

About 9:30 I rolled out of bed, washed my face, brushed my teeth, moisturized, brushed my hair, then threw on some clothes. Down the stairs I went. Had an apple and gathered my things to head out with my family to the beach.

Sunday is the rest of my families day to hang out with the guys and the kids.  They’ve done soccer, ultimate frisbee and now they are on to beach volleyball. It’s a joy to watch them all gather, join teams and play for fun.  All of the laughter and smiles on their faces makes me so happy inside.  I truly enjoy watching them on Sundays.

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After a bit of watching the guys, my friend, Laura, and I walked over to Armida’s tasting room for a little wine tasting. It’s always a treat, both the wine and the wonderful company.

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After some wine tasting and great conversation, I made my short trek back home.  I had some wonder food to prepare.

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Today I made Falafel’s, Garlic Hummus, Basil Pesto and Mint Garlic Pesto. All from scratch. Everything turned out beautiful.  Super yummy too.

We had the Falafel’s and some of the hummus for dinner. I’ll use both of the pesto’s this week with my meals. Yum! 🙂

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I baked a batch and also friend a batch.  I wanted to be able to compare them.

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Garlic Hummus

Garlic Hummus

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Basil Pine Nut Pesto

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Mint Basil Cashew Pesto

By the way… the hummus came out kick-ass! Maybe I should rename it, Kathleen’s Kick-Ass Garlic Hummus? Ha! 🙂

xo