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Some Days It’s Just All Too Much For Me

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Celebrating 84 Years!

Some days it’s just all too much for me. Today was one of those days, although, I didn’t know it until it literally choked me out.

I was driving in my car on my way to work this morning. I turned up a song on the radio that I love, and started to sing along. That always usually helps me feel happier. As soon as I started singing, I went into what felt like an asthma attack. I usually only get them when extremely upset, or when I am overexerted in the cold. Anyway, there I was trying to sing and I couldn’t and then the tears started. It startled me so much I was talking to myself… “what the fuck, Kathleen?!”

I had been up late last night trying to help my second son with a dental issue. All along listening to him argue with me over text. I hate texting. It takes so long to have a normal conversation. I ended up staying up past 2 a.m. and doing the legwork for him. This is my very long story made short.

I woke up this morning and called the dental office and they informed me that since he is 18 now, he has to call himself. Back to texting him again to let him know what had transpired and the arguing started on his part again. With me all along trying to be very clear and helpful. Trying to give him instruction and peace of mind of what he exactly needed to do. All by text. Blah.

He made the appointment in the end, but to get there took hours from the night before and this morning combined. A whole lot of back and forth and an apology from him at the end.

As I was texting my second son, I also started texting my third son that is having another issue. I was trying to guide him after he sent me a very lengthy text. I called his Case Worker in the Dean’s office of the college and left her a voicemail with a follow-up email. Another very long story I am making short. She contacted him immediately, but he didn’t answer the call. Proceeded to argue with me, again one sided, with me trying to be very clear about what he needed to do. In the end, he also had an appointment with her this afternoon.

I guess just everything I have been going through as of late, just buckled inside of me out of the blue. I try to stay calm. I try to keep my head clear. I have so many people asking for my help or needing it. I do the best I can, but I’m not cut out for the back and forth over text. I’m not cut out for the argument and trying to extinguish it to get the best result over text. It is exhausting. Completely and totally exhausting. I guess my body was telling me that this morning and I couldn’t shake it for hours. A damn phone call is so much easier I think.

I am so thankful that I have had 4 people in my life that have been there for me each and every day during everything that has been coming up in my life. I don’t know what I would have done without these amazing women. They have been my rocks. My sounding boards.

At some moments I have even had more support. I am thankful for all of it. I appreciate any little moment that someone is willing to reach out and ask me about my day. Some days it is exactly what has helped me get though that moment.

Today was hard. This evening I am exhausted. My brain is friend.

I was able to come home and cook a very nice 84th Birthday dinner for my Father and we also had a nice little cake. It brought a smile to my face. To all of our faces. Especially FaceTiming my three oldest and watching my Father take to them. I think that made his day. There was a lot of love being felt during those moments. I love that.

Off I go to sink into my bed, quiet my phone and try to sleep. Hopefully, no urgent text messages wake me up tonight. My soul needs a rest. I think I have done my part for the day.

Good night. xoxo

Rituals

Good morning!  This was my comment after watching this video this morning.  You’re going to laugh!

“May 6, 2013… that’s how long I have been saving this video in my email inbox. Today is January 25, 2016! It’s about time right?!?! Yes! So, I watched this 1st wonderful video (while chopping an acorn squash in my kitchen, instead of sitting on my butt. Which is how I started it.) and am thinking… hmmmm… what kind of ritual would I like to have in the morning? Something different than I already have from my amazing life? Ha!! I’ll let you know when I figure that out. Thanks for all you do ladies! Can’t wait for day 2 tomorrow. 🙂 ‪#‎Healthy‬ ‪#‎TheLifeOfAMother‬ ‪#‎JustForMe‬ #TheSelfLoveRevolution”

I’ve been saving them for the right time to focus on “Me”.  Haha, can you believe it!  Focus on me? You would think I would have watched these a very, very long time ago.

The truth is, I try and focus on myself as much as I can.  Yes, I have a super busy life, yes, I like it that way. Husband, Father, 4 Children, Myself… all in one house. Believe it, or not, we have a pretty damn good balance.  This doesn’t mean that I don’t get off kilter from time-to-time, because, believe me I do.  It just means that this wasn’t first on my list.  Does that also mean that, I am not first on my list?  No, I definitely try, I just get sidetracked.

After watching this video, I really feel like I need to stop and figure out a ritual that I would like to have that is different from what I already to. Take today for instance… My Husband kissed me goodbye. I got up, used the restroom, put my contacts on, combed any lasting lice eggs out of my youngest Son’s just-washed-hair, cleaned up, washed my face, flossed my teeth, brushed my teeth, put on my skincare products, brushed my hair, then got dressed. Kissed my 3rd Son goodbye for school, cooked 5 scrambled eggs for the 4th Son, ate a yogurt, powdered the two dogs with flea powder, put them in their kennel, then was off to take my 4th Son to school. There was my morning, thus far.

If I just look at that little part of my morning, I think that it was pretty productive.

I didn’t even mention everything that I did after I got back from that school drop off. Let the dogs out of the kennel, the 3 of us made our way upstairs to my room, chatted with the cable company, chatted with the sales guy, Alec, at the gym my boys want to join, cleaned my room, text with my 4 of my girlfriends and 2 of my Nieces, did Day 1 of a 30 day Squat Challenge, vacuumed my bedroom, watched this 1st video while chopping an acorn squash and putting it away for later, then made myself a yummy #LunchForOne, said good morning to my two oldest that have today off from school, had an intense conversation with my 2nd Son about his behavior towards others and how it makes them feel, then finally sat down to blog.

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Phew! Haha! Yes, a pretty normal day for me.  Now that I read back through all of that, what have I really done for me?  Perfect reason for me to find a new ritual.  Time to get my head together and figure that out ASAP. Maybe on the drive over to pick up my little Cousin from school?  Or, maybe while I’m sitting in the carpool line picking up my youngest Son and 2 others that I drive home on the daily?  Haha!

I’ll figure it out. I love to journal. I love to paint. I am a woman who goes through spurts and doesn’t really stick to the thinks I love, unless it is washing my face and tending to myself that way.  At least I can say that I take care of myself with using amazing skincare products, having clean and nice clothes, a beautiful closet that I love to dress out of, books that I love to read and living in a town that I can never get enough of.  🙂

xoxo

A Sweet Sunday

Today was a good day.  It stated out with watching a couple of episodes of Orange is the New Black in bed. Relaxing and easing into the day.

About 9:30 I rolled out of bed, washed my face, brushed my teeth, moisturized, brushed my hair, then threw on some clothes. Down the stairs I went. Had an apple and gathered my things to head out with my family to the beach.

Sunday is the rest of my families day to hang out with the guys and the kids.  They’ve done soccer, ultimate frisbee and now they are on to beach volleyball. It’s a joy to watch them all gather, join teams and play for fun.  All of the laughter and smiles on their faces makes me so happy inside.  I truly enjoy watching them on Sundays.

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After a bit of watching the guys, my friend, Laura, and I walked over to Armida’s tasting room for a little wine tasting. It’s always a treat, both the wine and the wonderful company.

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After some wine tasting and great conversation, I made my short trek back home.  I had some wonder food to prepare.

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Today I made Falafel’s, Garlic Hummus, Basil Pesto and Mint Garlic Pesto. All from scratch. Everything turned out beautiful.  Super yummy too.

We had the Falafel’s and some of the hummus for dinner. I’ll use both of the pesto’s this week with my meals. Yum! 🙂

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I baked a batch and also friend a batch.  I wanted to be able to compare them.

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Garlic Hummus

Garlic Hummus

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Basil Pine Nut Pesto

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Mint Basil Cashew Pesto

By the way… the hummus came out kick-ass! Maybe I should rename it, Kathleen’s Kick-Ass Garlic Hummus? Ha! 🙂

xo