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Raising Husbands & Fathers

I don’t know whose photo this is, but I hope they don’t mind me using it.15032168_255671434847402_4705620029773180601_n.jpg

I love this photo. I’m always worrying about who my children are and what types of adults they will be. I want them to be kind, strong, stable and loving towards their own family one day. To support and defend their family. All I can do is my best.

I love my 4 Boys and know that some days I really feel like I am screwing them up. I hope that isn’t the truth. I know I can be hard on myself and them as well some days. I can only hope that I have instilled something amazing in them. Something wonderful that others will see, so that people gravitate towards them and they are surround with love, always.  🙂

xoxo

Photos Are Our History

Good morning!☀️🌞😃 

This is such a true statement. I’ve talked to people that have burned, thrown away or tore up old photos. I don’t believe in that. I think that photos are your history. With good memories, or bad. They are still your history and something that should be cherished.

I wish that I had more photos of myself when I was young. I have one of myself with my father. I have another of myself with my Mother. Another of my Grandmother, myself and my Cousin Keith. A couple of myself while very young alone while enjoying summer vacation. A couple teenage ones. Now, a lot as an adult. 

I take tons of photos of my children. They hold so many memories for me. One day when they look at them, I hope they will hold wonderful memories for them and show them their history.

That brings me to another subject. Don’t forget to save and also print out the photos on your phones. I think thousands, even millions, of photos are getting lost each day, because we dont download them and print them out. What a waste. Take some time and do it. You will be happy you did. 🙂

xoxo 

Dear Penny…

Dear Penny,

I was so looking forward to seeing you at the girls-trip that we discussed. Seeing that smile you always had on your face, with that little twinkle in your eye of humor that I always noticed. Hanging out with you and a drink in our hands.

Andrew always said that we were too much alike, irreverent in our own special and silly way. You would probably be pissed if this was you having to write to me, because things were cut so short and unexpected. That maybe we would have found out that we were so much alike. Sisters at heart, in laughter and spirit.

I’m just so thankful to that damn Facebook, for bringing those that we love close to us, but live so far. So thankful that I was able to chat with you, share photos, sorrows, and happy times.

I do have to admit though, I am pissed off, so very pissed that you are gone. Not here for us to enjoy you every day any more. Enjoy your posts of your super fun crossdressing friends, the bands that you love, expressions of your beloved mother, and how much you love my brother-in-law, Tad. I am going to miss that more than you know. Oh and don’t forget your kitties too! I love them as well and how crazy you are for them.

Even though I never got to hug you in person, I feel like I have a dozen times over. Your personality and spirit just poured into my life each and every day. Again, I am thankful for the internet and your bursting spirit.

I always felt like we were friends that have shared a bottle of wine, then a couple of cosmos. Together sitting and chatting all night long about all of the crazy things that we have done in our lives. Comparing, laughing and making plans for more. Wanting to introduce each other to the others’ wonderful and crazy friends. Always expecting more crazy and amazing times.

Penny, I already miss you, in my heart and in my soul. I doesn’t matter that I’ve not laughed with you face-to-face, or hugged you in person, I love you. I love you as my family. I will miss you and mourn you with my heart and soul.

One day I will get to have that cocktail with you. We may be different souls with different bodies, hell, it may be in a dream, but we will be there, together. I will hug you tight and see that beautiful light in your eyes. Yes, I will.

All of my love, your Sister-In-Law,

Kathleen. xo

11/22/15

16 Years Ago Today…

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Thanksgiving 2015

16 years ago today I was had been in the hospital since two days before, trying desperately have my first Son. Later in the evening, after 52 hours of labor, two hours of pushing and an awful experience with a c-section, Alex was born.

They handed him directly to us, Andrew and I. His little head of hair was glowing golden and I started to cry, then everything went blank.

I remember waking up to my Niece, Charmaine’s, voice. “Kathleen wake up. Kathleen.”

I remember hearing voices in the hall, which I think were my Sister and my Husband.

I remember him trying to latch-on for the first time.  It took a few tries, but he was a big eater.  Just wanted to lay there all the time.  Eat and sleep. When he wasn’t in my arms he was with Andrew.

The new love in our lives.

I can’t believe that was 16 years ago. It is so sweet the love that I had for him and how much more it is today.

He is an amazing child. Strong, gorgeous, serious, happy, athletic, grumpy, analytical, witty, independent and so much more.

I want to write about all the things I remember, but that would take a world of time. Instead, I am going to just keep it short and say that I love him with all of my heart.

I know him better than he knows himself. I know his quirks, sighs, deer-in-the-headlight-look, smile, walk, body movement and all.

When I think about how much he has grown and what a wonderful young man he has become, it brings tears to my eyes.

This may not be a very flowing and great post, but I am emotional today. It’s all so bittersweet and goes by too quickly. I truly always wish that time would just slow down.

I miss all the little smiles, naked carefree littles, that my children were. They aren’t like that any more.  I was hoping that would never change, but it does. I will attempt to say, that it did, even through I tried to keep their silliness in tact. I try to remind them all the time of who they were then, how they were then, how they smiled, loved and were carefree. I want them to remember that that doesn’t have to go away. I do my best, but they will become who they will. I just know that they will be amazing. As they always were.

I love you, Alex! Happy 16th Birthday. 🙂

xoxo

 

Honesty From a 10-Year-Old

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A couple of months ago a little girl was murdered on our area. It was an absolute tragedy. The community has come together to create a very positive light for her memory to survive.

This morning I was telling my youngest Son that it is Madyson Middleton’s Birthday and her Mother has put a celebration together for her today. A gathering that is open to all to attend at Harvey West Park. Bounce House, Art, Face Painting, snacks.  I asked him if he would like to attend?

He looked at me and said… “Mom, I don’t think I want to go, I think that I would just be sad the whole time. I understand that this is to celebrate her birthday, but why would her mother and family want to keep being reminded that she is gone? That would make me just feel worse.”

I told him that this is a way for some people to cope with their loss in a positive way. They celebrate, remember, do some of their favorite things and remember the happy times. He still didn’t agree. His face looked scrunched and deep in though. He just said, “I just don’t think that they should be having a party. I can’t go. It will make me sad.”

I sighed and hugged him tight. I have to say that I agree with my very thoughtful little man. I appreciate his honesty and his sincerity. Even though I understand why the gathering is being held, I don’t think that I would be able to hold such an event if it were me. It’s not me though, and I respect others and their feelings.

My family didn’t know the little girl who was murdered. We do know good friends of hers though. I know they are having a very tough day. I know that every day is tough. That is what death brings to us. Sadness, anger, confusion and so much more. It can be debilitating.  I know, I’ve felt loss.

Tell those close to you that you love them. Right this very minute. Support those that need it the most. Right this very minute. Hug everyone that you can. Every day. There is never a wrong positive gesture. Do it now. Don’t wait. 🙂

xo