Today while the two Babies I take care of were napping I took my 4 Boys out for a swim. Everything was calm until we had a small mishap. No one was seriously hurt. There was crying, hurt feelings and me upset.
I wasn’t mad about what happened. That is over and done with and an accident. What makes me so upset is that I feel like I have been a really good mother. I teach my Boys respect in all aspects. They know right from wrong. I teach them humility, manners and to be gracious. I teach them to be strong, smart and emotional as well. I worry a lot of the time though that I haven’t taught them enough, or have done it in the wrong way. Yes, I am in battle with myself. I worry… Maybe I am not really not a good mother and am not teaching them correctly. Isn’t that why they make mistakes, disregard using their good judgement? Maybe I have just smothered them, or have been too strict? I don’t know.
What I do know today is that yesterday this feeling was creeping up on me and today here it is full-blown.
After the pool incident today I called all of my Boys over. We sat together and I explained to them how I felt and what my expectations were. Once again, I also apologized for crying and being so emotional. They all listened wonderfully with full attention. After, they went back to swimming.
Either my children will need therapy as adults from me screwing them up, or they will thank me for helping mold who they have become. I hope it is the second. I love them more than words can describe and would never want to be the ingredient for messing up someone else’s life. Especially them. 🙂