177.6… I can’t believe my eyes!  I ate what I wanted yesterday, but in small amounts and spread out through out the day.  It’s working!  I am learning that I NEED to eat.  My body doesn’t seem to hold on to the weight, or make my weight go up when I do the opposite.  One meal a day, or 3 meals a day doesn’t work for me obviously.  If I can just keep this going that would be great!  I know I have said that I have come to this conclusion before, but it is just really hard for me to do.  My Mother did always tell me to just put less on your plate and eat less… she was right.  Unfortunately, my Father says the opposite… don’t eat, slow down on the liquids and you will lose.  The not eating and only eating your meals always seemed “normal” to me.  Not that I have ever been a overeater, because I haven’t.  I am 41 and my hormones and metabolism have changed.  I know that and just need to deal with it correctly for me.

One unfortunate thing that I am dealing with is that I am stuck at home each day and can’t drive.  If I don’t ride my bike, or get a ride I don’t go anywhere.  I can’t stand working out at home, even though I do try from time-to-time.  I have been wanting to go to yoga so bad, but have no way there.  I quit the gym, because I have no way there.  It is going to be 118 today and would be stupid if I got on my bike for a bike ride, because the heat exhaustion would make me feel even worse.  The pool has been my savior.  A little bit of exercise in the pool here and there makes me feel good. I know there is more I could do, but I just haven’t had the drive.  Blah, blah, blah… I am not a complainer and don’t want to seem that way.  One thing I do wish I had was someone to workout with each day.  I don’t have that.

Anyway, I was thinking of setting my alarm clock and getting up early and getting on my bike then.  Riding 5 or 6 miles before my Husband leaves for work.  I feel so pathetic having to do that and feel like a fucking prisoner.  This sucks so bad and I have until February of 2014.  Just lovely!  I could get into this more about what happened, how it made me feel, how I feel that my children are effected by it, but that isn’t what I want to do.  I have just been trying to do my best with myself, having fun with my children and keeping the household and myself happy.  That is what is important!

Oh and on a great note… I gave my Father some money to get me some fruits and veggies yesterday… anything good that he could find and he came home with 6 or 8 bags full.  I am so excited for all of that yumminess today!!  It is now time for me to start my day with some left over salmon on a bagel thin with cream cheese and capers and a glass of fresh juiced carrot juice.  Lunch is going to be salmon and cabbage tacos (again left over BBQ‘d salmon from last night).  I will have to come up with some type of yummy and healthy sauce to put over it… maybe a mint and jalapeno, or I’ll make some of my Dad’s Salsa… that is always the best thing!  Good things ahead.  A relaxing weekend.  I love it!  🙂

xo